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The percentage of out-of-the-closet bisexuals is not equal across gender lines: while 33 percent of self-identified bi women are out, only 12 percent of self-identified bi men can say the same.

While that earlier research negates the lived experiences of bisexual men, it established a stereotype that bi-identified men are secretly gay, a stereotype sometimes even held by the women who date bi men.

And this creates a Catch for people like Paul. Interestingly, the one person to whom Paul has come out as bisexual is his doctor.

Shortly after he began playing with men, he had his first STI scare and decided it would be wise to be up-front with his doctor about the genders of all of his regular partners, including the men.

Rather than making him nervous about playing with men in the future, the experience of coming out to his doctor and getting tested has only made Paul become as conscientious about safety and communication with his male partners as he is with his female partners.

Paul is a writer, but he asked me to write this story on his behalf. As out and proud as I am about my bisexual identity in my personal life, I will never ask him to be as open as I am.

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. This website uses cookies to improve your experience.

We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Read More. About Us Latest Contact Us. They recognize that you are putting yourself in a highly vulnerable position by coming out to them.

This kind of deep, personal opening up of oneself is the very definition of intimacy. From what I have seen in many other such scenarios, this type of revelation is usually met with a humbled response by the spouse.

Regardless of what your wife thinks about your bisexuality, she will be affected by the authenticity and honesty of your revelation.

Many feel honoured that you trust them enough to expose the deepest, darkest secrets about yourself in this way.

This was the experience of both my wife and I after telling her. We both felt closer and more in love immediately after my revelation. The trust had been broken between us, and this is what hurt her the most.

It took some years to get this back, and even still…. Telling her before engaging in sexual activity allows both of you to work through the meaning of your newly-found sexual orientation.

For some couples, taking the next step of having the husband go out and have sexual experiences with men — either with his wife or on his own, or both — is relatively simple.

For others, it may create a huge dilemma, one which does not have any immediate conclusion. However, at least you will have been up front about it.

It is very common for married bisexual men to find it easier to act on their desires than discuss them with their wives.

I was one such man. We could barely discuss what we were going to have for dinner, let alone my sexual identity confusion!

Was I going to leave her? Was I just angry? So I did it without telling her. Part of the dance we do as bisexuals is the constant denial of our desire.

Until it happens again. This pattern repeated itself throughout most of my sexual life. Nothing major, and no need to reveal it to her.

But this is also the more common scenario. I wish I could say that it will all be fine. I cannot. I can tell you that coming out to my wife about being bisexual has saved our marriage — despite the lying.

I have heard many more stories about couples staying together than not. She will be angry about your lying; she will be hurt by it; but in the end she will be happier that you told her.

Even though she may leave you because of it. I do not believe that everyone must come out. I know this is not a popular view, but there are scenarios where it is best to keep your man2man trysts to yourself.

There are wives who know, but who would rather not discuss it. Whatever solution you create for yourself, it is important that you comport yourself properly and responsibly when engaging in any kind of extra-marital sexual behaviour.

This means you practice safer safe in every instance: using condoms is not optional, ever. As simple and self-evident as this may seem, many do not do it, with tragic results.

Using a condom for any kind of penetration is the single most important aspect of your sexual relations with others. Honesty is the best policy, even if it means an uncertain outcome.

Barring that, discretion and responsible play are the next best options. I am a married bisexual man and came out to my wife of 27 years this year around 8 years ago when I was Finding your site today is a revelation!

In her words, I am flourishing! I just was looking on Reddit and someone had posted your website as a source of information.

I will have to say it is good to see someone being very helpful to individuals who may have issues with bisexuality, being sadly there are so few out there.

My name is Steve and I have been married for almost three years now and decided to tell my wife approx.

She is actually the first person I ever directly told, not because I was ashamed or scared but simply because the situation where I could be with the same sex never came up.

This is because I have always just met women that I liked and usually had somewhat long term relationships with them and also I do not exhibit any of the stereotypical bisexual and homosexual behavior or tendencies that society has come to expect.

In fact most people have said I exhibit the exact opposite and they would have never thought I was anything but straight. So since I have been more open about my sexuality I have run into some issues and maybe you could shoot me some advice.

First off let me say my wife has been great about this situation and is nothing but supportive in every facet. I understand I am lucky to have that because I have seen some people not get that support and their relationships end.

My question with this is has your sexuality affected your relationship with your wife in any negative way or been a hindrance to expanding your relationship?

You are bursting forth with new energy, passion, enthusiasm and joy. This is something you need and want, and at the same time, it is something you feel guilty about having.

There is your wife, mired in dark, gloomy depression. It is hard and sad, and you must endure it. How can you combine these two worlds? She will be unhappy at your happiness.

You feel bad about your happiness, guilty for having it. Will she ever be at a point where she will be able to be happy for your happiness?

Accepting of it? I suggest you take it with joy, and without guilt. Take it understanding that this is what you need to endure her.

If this remains something within your heart and soul, something you do not reveal to her, then so be it. Either is fine.

There is only the things we choose for ourselves, for our own reasons. Hi Mark, i just found you website and have found it must useful. I am 49, had fought my bisexuality all my live.

I am marry to a woman 17 years now and have two wonderful teenagers together. A couple of weeks a go i meet a wonderful man who i have had sex with few times now.

I want to come out to my wife but the circumstances are not right as she is sufeting from depression at the moment.

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Our male partner looked up with excitement and climbed on top of Paul. Once he obtained consent, he gave Paul a long and thorough blowjob that finished in climax.

That was the first — but not the only — time Paul has engaged in sexual activity with a man. A Pew Research study released earlier this summer found that only 28 percent of self-identified bisexual people are out to their close friends and family.

It is believed that this is a consequence of the culture of biphobia that pervades both straight and gay communities, where bisexual people are perceived as being confused, deceptive, or just plain greedy.

The percentage of out-of-the-closet bisexuals is not equal across gender lines: while 33 percent of self-identified bi women are out, only 12 percent of self-identified bi men can say the same.

While that earlier research negates the lived experiences of bisexual men, it established a stereotype that bi-identified men are secretly gay, a stereotype sometimes even held by the women who date bi men.

And this creates a Catch for people like Paul. Interestingly, the one person to whom Paul has come out as bisexual is his doctor.

Shortly after he began playing with men, he had his first STI scare and decided it would be wise to be up-front with his doctor about the genders of all of his regular partners, including the men.

Rather than making him nervous about playing with men in the future, the experience of coming out to his doctor and getting tested has only made Paul become as conscientious about safety and communication with his male partners as he is with his female partners.

Paul is a writer, but he asked me to write this story on his behalf. As out and proud as I am about my bisexual identity in my personal life, I will never ask him to be as open as I am.

We all know how well those promises worked then. What does this mean for you when considering if you should tell your wife you are bisexual?

It means you must be ready for the entire world to know. Not that she will tell the entire world you are bisexual, but it is possible. This is highly unlikely.

And so it begins. Once I was ready to tell her I was also prepared to face the world. In fact I wanted to tell the whole world I am bisexual.

It felt great to finally come to that conclusion — after struggling with my bisexuality all my life. Five years later I absolutely love being an out bisexual man: I love being able to flirt with both sexes!

The need to live authentically is so strong in us that many are willing to risk their lives for it — and many have paid that ultimate price as well, and continue to do so on a daily basis.

However I also knew that my admission may have meant I was living this gloriously authentic life on my own in a little one bedroom apartment downtown, with her having taken the two kids and everything else, except my self-definition as a bisexual man.

Unfortunately I have heard of such stories. They are the vast minority, but they do exist. Many of the married men who tell their wives they are bisexual are pleasantly surprised by the support they receive from their spouses.

They recognize that you are putting yourself in a highly vulnerable position by coming out to them. This kind of deep, personal opening up of oneself is the very definition of intimacy.

From what I have seen in many other such scenarios, this type of revelation is usually met with a humbled response by the spouse. Regardless of what your wife thinks about your bisexuality, she will be affected by the authenticity and honesty of your revelation.

Many feel honoured that you trust them enough to expose the deepest, darkest secrets about yourself in this way. This was the experience of both my wife and I after telling her.

We both felt closer and more in love immediately after my revelation. The trust had been broken between us, and this is what hurt her the most.

It took some years to get this back, and even still…. Telling her before engaging in sexual activity allows both of you to work through the meaning of your newly-found sexual orientation.

For some couples, taking the next step of having the husband go out and have sexual experiences with men — either with his wife or on his own, or both — is relatively simple.

For others, it may create a huge dilemma, one which does not have any immediate conclusion. However, at least you will have been up front about it.

It is very common for married bisexual men to find it easier to act on their desires than discuss them with their wives.

I was one such man. We could barely discuss what we were going to have for dinner, let alone my sexual identity confusion!

Was I going to leave her? Was I just angry? So I did it without telling her. Part of the dance we do as bisexuals is the constant denial of our desire.

Until it happens again. This pattern repeated itself throughout most of my sexual life. Nothing major, and no need to reveal it to her.

But this is also the more common scenario. I wish I could say that it will all be fine. I cannot. I can tell you that coming out to my wife about being bisexual has saved our marriage — despite the lying.

I have heard many more stories about couples staying together than not. She will be angry about your lying; she will be hurt by it; but in the end she will be happier that you told her.

Even though she may leave you because of it. I do not believe that everyone must come out. I know this is not a popular view, but there are scenarios where it is best to keep your man2man trysts to yourself.

There are wives who know, but who would rather not discuss it. Whatever solution you create for yourself, it is important that you comport yourself properly and responsibly when engaging in any kind of extra-marital sexual behaviour.

This means you practice safer safe in every instance: using condoms is not optional, ever. As simple and self-evident as this may seem, many do not do it, with tragic results.

Using a condom for any kind of penetration is the single most important aspect of your sexual relations with others.

Honesty is the best policy, even if it means an uncertain outcome. Barring that, discretion and responsible play are the next best options.

I am a married bisexual man and came out to my wife of 27 years this year around 8 years ago when I was Finding your site today is a revelation!

In her words, I am flourishing! I just was looking on Reddit and someone had posted your website as a source of information. I will have to say it is good to see someone being very helpful to individuals who may have issues with bisexuality, being sadly there are so few out there.

My name is Steve and I have been married for almost three years now and decided to tell my wife approx. She is actually the first person I ever directly told, not because I was ashamed or scared but simply because the situation where I could be with the same sex never came up.

This is because I have always just met women that I liked and usually had somewhat long term relationships with them and also I do not exhibit any of the stereotypical bisexual and homosexual behavior or tendencies that society has come to expect.

In fact most people have said I exhibit the exact opposite and they would have never thought I was anything but straight.

So since I have been more open about my sexuality I have run into some issues and maybe you could shoot me some advice. First off let me say my wife has been great about this situation and is nothing but supportive in every facet.

I understand I am lucky to have that because I have seen some people not get that support and their relationships end.

My question with this is has your sexuality affected your relationship with your wife in any negative way or been a hindrance to expanding your relationship?

You are bursting forth with new energy, passion, enthusiasm and joy. This is something you need and want, and at the same time, it is something you feel guilty about having.

There is your wife, mired in dark, gloomy depression. It is hard and sad, and you must endure it.

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